changing channels.

ok. changing channels. I am no longer in the CO so i am going to stop posting on this blog until next summer.

change the channel: towritedarkness.blogspot.com


love and blessings.

gone.

so. the CO is gone.

i have left it... but it hasn't left me.

i can't lie and say that i don't want to go back... or that i am content being in indiana... because right now i am not.

so... yes. i want to go back.

but this is where i am for right now. so i will challenge myself to be content with my circumstances and environment.

i will return soon enough.

love and blessings.

abe

sobriety is a gift.

I have been blessed this past week with the opportunity to work with a group of kids going through rehab.

about 40 kids in all.

each kid is either an alcoholic... addicted to hard drugs... or a combination of the both.

and when i say hard drugs... what i mean by that is cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, marijuana, ambien, narcotics... etc.


So... that is who i have been hanging out with.

And... honestly... it has been freaking awesome.

These kids are raw. Just straight up raw. Every other word is usually shit, damn, bitch, or fuck. kind of overwhelming at first... sure. However... they have been a breath of fresh air.

Each kid started using/abusing regularly before they turned 14... most started by the time they were 12.
These may be the most broken individuals I have ever spent time with... but at the same time... they may be the most loving, caring, compassionate group of individuals I have ever met.

I can tell you stories in person... just ask... but here is a few comments I have heard over the past couple days... sorry about the language.

These kids are broken... and screwed up... and they know it... and the awesome thing is they want out... and most are well on their way... but I had a conversation with a kid... he looked me in the eyes and said,

"Dude... I know I'm fucked up... I hate it... I hate myself... I can barely go a day without getting high or completely wasted... But the sweet thing... the real sweet thing that is happening in my life right now is that I can finally actually feel love now... I feel my rescue coming."

Or...

"My mom and dad were both addicts and alcoholics my entire life growing up... two years ago my mom overdosed and killed herself... I remember laying on my bed after the funeral balling my eyes out screaming, "Fuck you, God! Fuck you, God!" I doubted everything of my existence I just wanted to die... and in desperation I then prayed asking for deliverance from this vice that would soon kill me too... Thank the Lord I have been sober for the past 11 months."

I mean... these kids are brutally raw, open, and real... sure they curse a lot... but honestly... give me that any day over the hoards of youth group screaming "I love Jesus" with their nice clothes and perfect lives of secrecy.

Talk to me about this group sometime.

Love you all.
Blessings.
abe

a slight change.

so.

i got sick of my hair last night. well... yeah... my hair was long... sure. so i took it all off.

but i guess this... this is more than just a change of "identity."

i've been stagnant. but at the same time i have moved forward.

so here is to myself... for a new start. moving forward from this summer. a stake in the ground.

bring on the complexity.

blessings.

anxiety.

anxiety |a ng ˈzī-itē|
noun ( pl. -ties)
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome


i am anxious.
i am nervous.
i have a uneasy feeling inside my heart.
i am anxious.

this imminent event is the day that is quickly approaching where i will leave this place... this little peace of heaven that i have learned and grown to love. this place (these people) that simply picked me up with all my crap... my selfishness... my insecurities... my fears... and just wrapped their freaking arms around me and loved me to safety... to security... to true community.

thank God.

No condemnation. Just love.

This place has grasped it. I think for the first time... I've caught a glimpse of how we are called to live... called to infiltrate this world. Should [we] not be a breath of fresh air to those with who we are blessed to interact with?

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

yeah sure. this place has its problems. definitely. its not perfect. nor are these people. however.

this faith... this life... is not just an ideal or a theory to them... it is a reality.


so i leave you with this.

[may i make my life, my religion, my faith, my relationships... less of a theory. but more of a love affair.]

blessings.

oh yeah... and the rafting and backcountry travels/living hasn't been too bad either ;)

browns @ midnight.

Hey Guys. Hows life? I am doing really well. Simply enjoying life and the place where I have been put for this moment.

So. Sunday night was... well... freaking awesome.

The evening started out with the boys chowing on some pizza in honor of brandon's departure... then the night moved to staff worship... fantastic... mixed feelings about it but as a whole it was so good for me to sit silent in a little communal worship... then...midnight rolled around.

about 30 guides jumped in 6 boats... each armed with a paddle and a single glow stick duct taped to their helmet... and off we went to raft brown's canyon by moonlight...

it was sick.

maybe the most fun thing i have done in a raft... pitch black... moonlight slightly shedding light on our river... slamming into rocks... getting absolutely soaked by waves you can't see coming... sabotaging each others boats... running the rapids you run all the time in the daylight... and now for the first time since training... feeling completely incompetent.

loved it. loved it. loved it.

so... after three hours of sleep i woke up... rode my bike to noahs... then hopped on a bus to head up to a section of the arkansas called "the numbers."

Class IV, IV+, V... sick because it was nasty! it was ridiculous. i do not exaggerate when I say the numbers are quite possibly even more fun the royal gorge... its a dangerous statement... by my word.

i am sitting here dreading the day when i have to get a real job and actually work during the summers. haha.

much love.

abe

the gorge.

the most fun i have ever had in a raft...

and easily the highlight of my summer so far.

I got to raft the Royal Gorge yesterday... all class IV and IV+ rapids... phenomenal scenery... gigantic water... a few close calls... it really is indescribable.

Call me sometime and we can chat about it.

Written words can't describe... actually spoken words can't do justice.

love and blessings.